When You Feel Close to Someone Who Doesn’t Know You: Navigating Parasocial Relationships

Florie
May 7
3 min read

Fan concert makes a heart with their hands

In a previous post, we explored parasocial relationships from the artist’s side — what it’s like to receive affection, expectations, or emotional closeness from people they’ve never met. But today, we’re flipping the perspective.

Maybe it started with a song. A video. A livestream where they said something that felt like it was just for you. Maybe you found yourself thinking about them more often — feeling inspired, soothed, seen.

And then it hit you:You feel close to someone who doesn’t even know you exist.

That experience has a name. It’s called a parasocial relationship — a one-sided emotional attachment, usually formed with a public figure, performer, or online personality. And it’s more common than you think.

If you’ve felt it: you’re not alone. And no, you’re not “crazy.” In fact, your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do: connect.

Why parasocial attachments / relationships feel so real

Humans are social creatures. We’re wired to mirror, empathize, and imagine. When someone appears on our screen regularly — speaking intimately, making us laugh, sharing personal stories — it activates the same emotional circuitry as real-life connection. We feel like we know them. Sometimes, we even feel known by them.

This can be comforting, especially in moments of loneliness, isolation, or change. But when the emotional investment becomes too deep, it can lead to distress, confusion, or even grief.

It’s not the feelings that are the problem —It’s the imbalance.

How to work with — not against — these feelings

You don’t need to shame yourself. But you can gently shift your relationship to this attachment. Here are some compassionate steps:

1. Call it what it is — with kindness.

Saying “This is a parasocial bond” can be grounding. It doesn’t invalidate your feelings — it just gives them a frame. Naming it helps you hold it more lightly, instead of being swept away.

2. Get curious about the need underneath.

What is this person symbolizing for you? Is it safety? Creativity? Belonging? Romance? Confidence? Sometimes the figure we attach to represents a part of ourselves we want to access. Understanding that can turn longing into growth.

3. Rebalance your screen time.

It might help to take breaks. Mute their account for a while. Refill your world with more reciprocal connection — friends, group chats, classes, even low-stakes real-life encounters. These might not feel as “electric” at first, but they nourish you in ways parasocial bonds can’t.

4. Stay inspired, without idealizing.

It’s okay to admire. Keep the playlist. Rewatch the videos. But remember they’re a person, not a fantasy. And you? You’re not invisible. You’re not waiting to be chosen. You’re already real — and worthy of being seen for who you are.

5. Bring the focus back to your story.

What is this attachment trying to awaken in you? A desire to create? To be loved? To feel vibrant again? These feelings are messages — not just about them, but about you. Let them point you toward new friendships, art, therapy, or adventures that make your world fuller.

Gentle Prompts (For Journaling or Reflection)

When did I start feeling close to this person, and what was going on in my life at the time?
What emotions do they bring up in me — and when else have I felt those?
What does this bond allow me to feel that I wish I had more of in daily life?
What would “being seen” look like in real relationships?
What would I say to a friend who was feeling the same thing?

Resources

Here are a few supportive places to explore further:

🧠 Mental Health & Connection

The School of Life – thoughtful videos and articles on emotional life and longing
VeryWell Mind – articles
TherapyDen or Psychology Today – to find a therapist near you, if needed